Please help me. I have spent the past two weeks conversing with Evertonians on two of their forums trying to glean just what they think of us, our manager and our players and I am concerned about how much this has affected me in my day to day life. Tonight, for example, I am the compere down the Legion but not before I have paid my lecky bill. I have also discovered a hatred for Liverpool and regularly sing ‘kopites are gobshites’ to my wife.

Speaking of gobshites, that tends to be their view of most Gooners. We also talk sh*t, are arrogant and ignorant and I was referred to as a rent boy on more than one occasion – how they can possibly know that I will never know, I wasn’t even into football back then.

The first thread that caught my eye was entitled ‘Arse Whinger’ and referred to Wenger’s comments after the Sunderland game where he suggested we were the only side trying to win. One post referred to AW as ‘a myopic c**t who expects teams to roll over like Sheffield United’. I was expecting a number of further posts agreeing but to my surprise the reply read as follows ‘Wenger’s a fantastic manager, one of the most successful that we’ve seen, especially at Arsenal and I think that all the talk with Sunderland was down to passion and annoyance to his players. I’m sure like most things after a few weeks it will all have blown over - I really don’t see Arsene as a rude, disrespectful or arrogant man. I actually like the guy. If anything people should praise the bloke for giving football fans the best football the EPL has seen over the years’

High praise indeed and that tended to be the way of things for our illustrious leader. Most view him as a genius with an annoying accent and quite a few were in support of his refusal to condemn any of our players in public. One particular contributor stated that ‘if we (Everton) were ever bought out by a billionaire, I would hope our first signings would be Wenger and all his backroom staff’

Eboue is a petulant, lazy tw*t! So is Gallas but give me RVP/Rosicky/Denilson or Ramsey any day. Those were the players most coveted by The Toffees and not the likes of Cesc (‘don’t like him, got Arteta sent off’), Adebayor (‘greedy arrogant tw*t who has ideas above his station’) or Theo (‘Chelski will offer him a ton of money soon and he will be off’).

They felt that Ramsey would get a chance to shine at Everton and then could be sold for a huge amount of money to one of the ‘Sky four’. Denilson is apparently quality, RVP is ‘superb but a bit flash’ and Rosicky is ‘brilliant but injury prone’ – as if we didn’t know that. Interestingly, although it was rumoured that we bid for Arteta on deadline day, the player they think would be a better purchase for the Gunners would be Pienaar. Some went for The Yak, some for Lescott but Pienaar got the most votes.

Not surprisingly our stadium was described as ‘awesome’ and ‘the best stadium in the EPL, if a little pricey’. They too have a problem with early leavers but take the view that if you pay for your ticket; you are entitled to leave when you want. However, this was specifically related to the kind of football being played, particularly during their defeat in the Merseyside Derby with the comment ‘why should I stay and watch that sh*t while listening to those gobshites celebrating in the away end’

Predictions for the game ranged from the ridiculous (‘4-0, the Yak with a hat trick) to the hopeful (‘2-2 Arteta and The Yak, Fabregas and Van Persie for them’). Not surprisingly most went for a defeat of some sort and usually by a two goal margin. The general consensus was that they shouldn’t score early and anger us, like Bolton did. The predictions ended with a plea, ‘please don’t tw*t us like you usually do’.

I logged off so they could talk behind my back and call me a rent boy and decided I had enough information for now and would return after the game. Well, what a baptism of fire that was! The spitting, the coin throwing, the incidents on the tube and outside the ground meant that come Monday I wasn’t the most welcome member of their forum. I offered a humble apology, which I think they deserved. Regardless of what went on outside, it is unlikely that the same people were, by coincidence, sitting above them during the game. Their view was that whilst most Gooners are probably okay, this incident has ‘made you no better than Chelski or Tottenham.’ Unfortunately, discussions on the actual game itself did not exist which is a shame as that was supposed to be the purpose of this whole exercise. Instead, I found myself defending my club over the incidents above the away end and not getting any views whatsoever on the game - a real shame.

Anyway, I am back now to all things Arsenal and being a ‘cockney knob head’ until the next assignment. A welcome return as this last week or so has made me feel like I am being unfaithful to the love of my life. I have given up my job as Compere down the Legion and I am up to date with my electricity bill but I still think kopites are gobshites!