I’m positive that if the Carling Cup squads from the thrashing of Sheff Utd and Tuesday night’s humbling of Wigan were allowed to play in the Premier League that they would be relegated.

This imaginary relegation would not be on ability or courage or the obvious age of the squad nor the ‘not enough/too many British/foreign’ (please delete n/a) players, but the simple fact that in the league teams are allowed... no strike that... positively encouraged to kick seven barrels of sh*t out of our skilful players (which is then endorsed by f**kwit pundits like Craig Burley), the ‘sweet’ FA’s ‘Respect’ campaign has been a real success with every thug that parades as a footballer - because now he can have one free hack/maim/scythe/elbow/lunge (please delete n/a) before he gets booked. And sending a group of kids to get beaten up (with the FA’s endorsement) would border on child abuse.

The trouble with the Carling Cup is that it has now taken on the persona of a friendly or testimonial match (poxy Mexican wave included) and watching cloggers like Cattermole and Michael Brown trying to stay on their feet and being forced by the occasion to play football as the Junior Gunners ran rings around them was pitiful / hilarious.

But make no mistake, normal service will be resumed for the thugs this weekend and they can all take advantage of the ‘Respect’ campaign. Any team that tries to play the beautiful game against the first team or the Carling kids gets blown away but any team who has Private Jones from ‘Dad’s Army’ (ask your parents) as their manager chanting the mantra of “they don’t like it up em” stands a good chance of turning us over. Perhaps the club should put an asterisk next to the results in the programme which have been assisted by the Football Association!!